Frustration and the downhill slope

So I went to the doctor the other day about my muscle spasms fully expecting to end up having to get an MRI… I’d been having spasms all over that were pretty painful. No dice. They gave me more of the same muscle relaxers that I said weren’t helping a whole lot and naproxen. If I want to be any kind of productive I can’t take muscle relaxers and I think the naproxen messes with my stomach. I can’t work with extreme muscle spasms or after I take a muscle relaxer. I really can’t be missing work either. Eye rolls ensued. This is one of the many reasons why I hate to even go to the doctor’s office.
I was upset and in more pain over the weekend.  I almost went to the ER because I was in so much pain.  It made it really hard not to freak out on people.  I get to hear people all the time at work complain about health issues and all I want to tell them is at least they really know what’s wrong and can fix it with medicine.  I’m stuck with a condition that most people think is fake and medication seems to do more harm than good.  There’s no surgery for me, no magic pill. I know it’s not a fair thing to say. All ailments are tough on those who have to suffer them. Sometimes I wish I had something different.
After the last few weeks it just seems like it’s gonna get worse from here on out.  For a majority of my life it has been just an annoyance,  but all the aches and pains are becoming worse and more frequent.  What am I supposed to do about it?
If this is gonna get worse, how am I going to continue working full-time in my position? How am I gonna have kids?  I can barely keep my house in order now. I can’t even grasp the concept of not being able to do for myself and not being in control.
I posted an article on my Facebook that talked about the legitimate problem in those who suffer from fibromyalgia…  They said the focus should be on managing symptoms.  This got me frustrated again and made me want to post another rant blog.  I want to focus on resolving the pain.  I want to go out shopping all day without swelling up and having so much pain in my feet and knees that I’m completely useless the next day.  I want to wake up feeling rested.  I want to not have my current symptom page at my doctor’s office be a full page long.  I want to feel energized for more than just an hour like once a month.
-rant end-


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