In my attempt of gaining hold of my health…

So the last few months I have been super pessimistic when it comes to the fibromyalgia label that I’ve been stuck with.  I don’t like it because all my health problems seem to be pushed to the side because of it.  Anywho, I’ve tried to refocus my unrest on my lack of control of my health by making a journal.
The NP at my doctor’s office (who is amazing and the only reason I still go there)  told me a long time ago that I should try logging my symptoms and what I’m eating.  I always have trouble keeping up with things like that, hence why this blog goes months without a post.  I tried a couple times to keep a notebook, but it never worked.
Well, ladies and gentlemen,  with the help of pinterest, I do believe I found my holy grail!
I created a page in publisher that is custom to my needs and allows me to be creative.  I think this will make my morning habits healthier for me too; wake up and journal (and doodle).

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I definitely need thicker paper and a kick of creativity, BUT for now I’m pretty darn proud of myself.
I’m hoping this project helps me and the NP see some patterns we didn’t realize before.  I’m already surprised at my symptoms throughout the day.  I guess I’ve just brushed them off after dealing with this so long.

Hope this inspires some of you to take back your health!  It’s hard to keep fighting for it when you’re labeled with an invisible illness.

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Continue to suffer, there’s obviously nothing wrong with you anyways.

Today I am having a breakdown.

I work second shift, so I don’t wake up until 11, 12, maybe even 2 or 3 some days.  So I wake up today on my day off and work up the nerve to make calls and try to take care of some things and make appointments.  The last call I made was to my GI doctor.  But first, some background information before we get into the deets….

I’ve been dealing with some GI issues for about 5 years now.  I used to be super embarrassed about it, but over time I’ve just gotten fed up with it.  So last year my primary doctor sent me to  them because what they were doing wasn’t ending the issue.  The GI doc suggests some things, gives me some stuff to try out.  I do what he asks, minus some crazy medicine that they failed to mention was a compound prescription.  Thinking back, I should have probably went through the trouble of dealing with the formulary and paying a fortune for the tiniest tube of crap that probably wouldn’t have helped, but I had better things to do.  I go back a month or two later and no changes.  He tells me to continue what I’m doing, some people take longer.  (It’s been 5 yrs m*f*, no sh*t.)  He said if it still isn’t getting better to come back and see him and then he’ll probably schedule me for a colonoscopy.  Oh the joy of that prospect.  Well, things haven’t gotten better.  SURPRISE!  I refused to go back until I got onto my husbands insurance because the insurance from my work would require me to have the colonoscopy at my work or pay a ridiculous amount of money.  Neither of those options seemed logical.

So I’m on my husband’s insurance now and I finally called to set up an appointment…  I wait on hold for 3 or 4 minutes.  I realize it’s Friday afternoon, the last day of the week and everyone is trying to take care of their last minute stuff before leaving the office.  I deal with this at work every Friday I work, so I get it.  The girl finally gets to me, asks for my information and what I usually see the doctor for.  I tell her, hear her start to say something then a muffled noise where she’s covering the mouthpiece of the phone.  She comes back and says they can’t get me in until mid-March in the afternoon when I’ll be at work.

I had to have been dead silent for a good 30 seconds.  I’m not taking off from work for that.  Especially if they’re acting like I’m an idiot for coming to their office for something that isn’t as serious as colon cancer.  I know that comment made on the other side of that muffled phone noise was something along the lines of, “Why do people come here for stupid shit?”  I work in healthcare, I know how these people act.  We  make judgments before knowing the back story.  It happens, it human nature.  But this has been a settle attitude every time I’ve dealt with them.  I told the girl not to worry about it, I think I’m just going to find another doctor and hang up.

I can’t deal with that.  It’s been 5 years, you guys can’t fix what you deem to be a simple problem so I’m pretty sure I’m not the idiot here.

Unfortunately I’m starting to feel the same way with my primary doctors office even though I absolutely love the Nurse Practioner there.  Every other person that works there acts like I’m an idiot and I’m the person that actually runs all these tests.

I have no idea how to make anything that I feel become a real thing.  Almost all of my test results come back negative.  There’s nothing really wrong with me.  I’ve been watching my iron slowly drop and me become slowly more anemic.  I guess we’ll just wait until I end up with something serious because God forbid we take care of anything.  Let’s all give up.  The medicines didn’t work and the test results are always negative for everything.  F*ck it and your fibromyalgia diagnosis.